8 May 2010 § Leave a comment

at home, in 5 games, and oh–did i mention it was against the red wings ? that was the best part.

enjoy the golf course, detroit.


allez les canadiens !!

28 April 2010 § 1 Comment

the habs play the caps tomorrow, having forced a game 7 by the grace of god or jaro halak, depending on who you ask. i kinda like the caps (okay, i’m fascinated by ovie), but i will be cheering for the bleu, blanc et rouge!

in addition to cheering for my #2 team, i am also preparing mentally for our #1 to face the aforementioned foes, zetty, datsyuk, and the rest of the detroit red wings. i am already thinking of more dirty russian phrases (pasha, i have some choice words about what a dog did to your mom), and boycotting IKEA for the duration of the series.

in order to be a sharks fan in the playoffs, you need a high degree of “mental toughness”, quite possibly the most talked about concept in all of hockey. we got through round one, now we steady ourselves for the fight against the red wings. i will need xanax.

side note: if anyone has an mp3 of the ENGLISH version of the “bleu blanc rouge” song–the one that’s like 20 years old and tremendously awkward–i will paypal you a real, live dollar.

i leave you with the best rap in the world ever, and for you non-francophones, i even bothered to find the subtitled version. vous me remercierez plus tard:

latvia’s dead

27 December 2009 § Leave a comment

latvia is dead. so dead, especially if their junior team is any indication: they lost to canada today in a merciless 16-0 defeat.

but why latvia ? they’re the first team that team russia will face off against in the 2010 olympics at vancouver. i don’t know who is on the roster for latvia (i mean really–there are no latvians on any of my nhl teams, that whole country is off my radar). but oh, russia ! this is the team to beat:

G Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose Sharks
G Ilya Bryzgalov, Phoenix Coyotes
G Semyon Varlamov, Washington Capitals
D Andrei Marko, Montreal Canadiens
D Ilya Nikulin, Ak Bars Kazan
D Dmitri Kalinin
D Konstantin Korneyev, HC CSKA Moscow
D Denis Grebeshkov , Edmonton Oilers
D Fedor Tyutin, Columbus Blue Jackets
D Sergei Gonchar, Pittsburgh Penguins
D Anton Volchenkov, Ottawa Senators
C Pavel Datsyuk, Detroit Red Wings
C Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins
C Sergei Fedorov, Metallurg Magnitogorsk
LW Ilya Kovalchuk, Atlanta Thrashers
RW Maxim Afinogenov, Atlanta Thrashers
LW Danis Zaripov, Ak Bars Kazan
LW Alexander Semin, Washington Capitals
C Sergei Zinovjev, Salavat Yulaev Ufa
RW Alexander Radulov, Salavat Yulaev Ufa
RW Viktor Kozlov, Salavat Yulaev Ufa
LW Alexander Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
RW Aleksey Morozov, Ak Bars Kazan

meanwhile, in the nhl…

21 October 2009 § Leave a comment

i’m making two predictions for the year:
1) devin setoguchi will have his first 50-goal year. in just seven games, he’s got four powerplay goals and that ties him for the league lead in PPGs. he’s also currently 16th in points and fourth in shots on goal.
2) the leafs, as a whole, will make fewer goals than devin setoguchi will on his own. with eight games played, the leafs are playing like they’re trying to get the entire team sent down to the AHL, and have just one point. just one. one single point, and they only got it because they managed to stave off a beating until losing in a shootout to carolina.

update: seto is DTD with a LBI. (that’s hockey nerd code for he got hurt and isn’t serious, but who knows when he’ll be back). my fantasy team, as a result, is suffering.

in idiot russia, wife controls you !

3 October 2009 § Leave a comment

in case you missed it, today i had a very important message for someone:


in case you have NO idea what i’m saying (perhaps you can’t read russian ?) my message was this:

i hate your wife. my dear friend alexei semenov, i hate your wife. she’s a bitch. (it sounds a lot meaner in russian).

and why do i hate mrs. semenova ? well because she’s an idiot whore who took away one of my two favourite defencemen in the whole damn NHL. he played for my sharkies for the last two seasons, and he was fun to watch. fifty seven penalty minutes last year in under 30 games. he speaks my “moon language”, so i like to yell at him and nabby during games, or give them imaginary pep talks before big games i cannot attend. i sang the krokodil gena song to him on his birthday (well, in my car by myself). alexei is like an even taller russian version of my very tall non-russian friend morgan. and when i met him at a charity event for the sharks, these annoying girls were squealing at him and asking for autographs and pictures. i calmly said, “Извените, мой друг, здраствуе–фото ?” and he stopped and smiled and took a picture with me.

but after our terrible showing in the playoffs, semy’s name was removed from our roster. he wasn’t claimed by anyone all summer until a few weeks ago when he signed with the rangers, maybe my…third least favourite of the original six… oh who am i kidding, i only like the leafs and habs and sharks). but at least he was on a team, would be on my fantasy teams, and i could still see him on center ice. but then the bitch took him.

and dammit, he was one of MINE ! patty, joe, pavs, whatever. semy and seto were MINE ! i have doubts about nabby but he’s my домвек (a word i made up using the words home and boy because russian doesn’t have the term “homeboy”). goc was almost one of mine, but he was Немец, boo hoo. and it’s NOT a good time to take my boys away. the season started yesterday, i’m on medication ! jeez !

so now my mission is to find a contact with semy and at least let him know there is one little cheburashka out there who is really gonna miss her big d-man друг. пока, алюшенка. 😦

Happiness is…

19 May 2009 § Leave a comment

Missions !

Unhappiness =
meniscus tear.

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